It appears I bought too many bananas.

Reserved Banana Bread

I can take or leave banana bread, but my boys love it, so I make it once a year during the holidays, and I throw a bunch of stuff at it that I can actually get excited about. Now seems as good a time as any in light of my recent overestimation of our weekly banana consumption. This is a good recipe for taking stock of your pantry. If the only ingredients you’re missing are ungodly over-ripe bananas and sour cream, you’re doing it right.

1 stand mixer, or a boatload of can-do

3 1/4 C flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp cloves

4 eggs, preferably at room temperature
2 C sugar
1/3 C brown sugar

1/2 C vegetable oil
1/2 C applesauce
3 C mashed very ripe bananas
1/4 C sour cream
1 tsp vanilla

1 1/3 C chopped walnuts, toasted

Set your oven to 350. Grease and flour 2 9x5x3 loaf pans. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and spices in a medium mixing bowl. Put the eggs and sugars in the bowl of a stand mixer and beat on medium-high with the whisk attachment for about 10 minutes, until you can see the batter forming ribbons as it mixes. Reduce the speed to low and slowly pour in the oil and applesauce. Once those blend in, add the bananas, sour cream, and vanilla. Let it go for another minute before removing the bowl from the mixer. Fold in the flour mixture and walnuts, softly poking around for dry clumps and incorporating.

Divide the batter between the pans and bake simultaneously at 350 for 1 to 1 1/14 hr, or until a pick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the loaves cool in the pans for 10 minutes before turning out onto wire racks, then cool them for a few minutes more so you don’t scald yourself while slicing. The bread should, however, still be warm enough upon serving to melt a pat of butter.

Take advantage of yet another opportunity to garner popularity with the second bread. Our local recycling crew gets a little rough with the bins as it grows colder, but a foil-wrapped loaf tied up with a ribbon early in December tides our receptacles over until the annual end-of-year tip, which buys a good month of excellent service.

You should get going. Right after breakfast…

Nanner Cakes

I’ve tried dozens of recipes for pancakes from scratch, but so far nothing has bested Bisquick. This isn’t to say that one should blindly obey package directions when using a mix, and I’ve modified their recipe, creating a tool for rendering adult males immobile for two hours.

To stuff 1 male, and moderately serve the preparer:
1 C Bisquick
1/2 C milk
1 egg
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 lg banana, cut into thin slices (1/8″ or thinner)

Stir together all the ingredients except the bananas in a medium mixing bowl until the mixture is just combined, but still quite lumpy. Gently fold in the bananas, and try to separate the slices as much as possible to avoid disgustingly cool slug-like pockets. Heat 3 tbsp of vegetable oil in a large pan over medium, and once the oil’s hot, spoon the batter into the oil in 3″ circles, leaving at least 1″ between the cakes. Cook for 1 minute, and you’ll see bubbles start to break on the surface. Flip them over and cook for another 1 minute, adding more oil if they start to smoke. Turn the heat down to low and cook each for another 30 seconds on each side, giving them a gentle press before the final flip, and then again before taking them out. Yes, you’ll sacrifice a little fluff, but again, cool bananas make these inedible.

If you could use an eight-hour chunk of uninterrupted “you time,” be it for a little reconnaissance, a quick jaunt to Atlantic City, or just properly disappearing a body, pair three of these breakfast bombs with some corned beef hash and scrambled eggs, and wait twenty minutes for your alibi to pass out.

%d bloggers like this: