You should get going. Right after breakfast…

Nanner Cakes

I’ve tried dozens of recipes for pancakes from scratch, but so far nothing has bested Bisquick. This isn’t to say that one should blindly obey package directions when using a mix, and I’ve modified their recipe, creating a tool for rendering adult males immobile for two hours.

To stuff 1 male, and moderately serve the preparer:
1 C Bisquick
1/2 C milk
1 egg
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 lg banana, cut into thin slices (1/8″ or thinner)

Stir together all the ingredients except the bananas in a medium mixing bowl until the mixture is just combined, but still quite lumpy. Gently fold in the bananas, and try to separate the slices as much as possible to avoid disgustingly cool slug-like pockets. Heat 3 tbsp of vegetable oil in a large pan over medium, and once the oil’s hot, spoon the batter into the oil in 3″ circles, leaving at least 1″ between the cakes. Cook for 1 minute, and you’ll see bubbles start to break on the surface. Flip them over and cook for another 1 minute, adding more oil if they start to smoke. Turn the heat down to low and cook each for another 30 seconds on each side, giving them a gentle press before the final flip, and then again before taking them out. Yes, you’ll sacrifice a little fluff, but again, cool bananas make these inedible.

If you could use an eight-hour chunk of uninterrupted “you time,” be it for a little reconnaissance, a quick jaunt to Atlantic City, or just properly disappearing a body, pair three of these breakfast bombs with some corned beef hash and scrambled eggs, and wait twenty minutes for your alibi to pass out.

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